I’m still recovering from being upbeat yesterday. My apologies.

Dunno if anyone out there is interested in working in this here publishing world, but there’s a job going at Random House, if interested.

Check out the full ad here.

It caused a right old stir on the Bookseller website recently. Is it dumbing down publishing? Does it undervalue all those with degrees and publishing qualifications and industry experience? Yeah, it probably is a bit … but if that’s the way the industry is heading, why get left behind? They don’t just publish the memoirs of people from Heat magazine, so I don’t see it as a problem, just an honest approach to filling a gap. But I would be wary in telling them what I think is the next big thing. A thousand applicants means a thousand new ideas to whoever gets the 36 grand for not even being arsed to go to uni.

I’ve got a mate at Ebury and she told me some of the interview questions:

What was the last book you read, if any?

What was the first book you read? (trick question after the first one to get them on their toes)

Who is the best … Li-Lo, J-Lo, Su-Bo?

How many Jedwards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Would you sleep with Russell Brand to get him to sign a book contract?

Isn’t James Corden just like, totally hilarious?

Starbucks or Costa? (again, a trick question to see if they mention Costa Book Awards or Starbucks Cheesecake)

What year did you buy your first pair of skinny jeans?

Do you follow Stephen Fry on Twitter?

Do you think Katie Price aka Jordan will release an updated biography to include revelations of her relationship with the cage fighter, Alex Reid?

Does Mickey Mouse really wear a Wikky Gervais watch?

Isn’t it so cool to refer to Madonna as ‘material girl Madonna’?

What’s wrong with your hair, do you not like, use straightners or somefink?

Also in the news this week is Borders. There’s been so many stories about it ‘going under’ and it’s only Tuesday. Again, the Bookseller website is full of comments. It’ll be a sad day if it goes belly up. Not just because of the money they owe me, but for the entire industry. I know most of us won’t forgive them for selling those jewelry holders in recent months, but what can you do when you’ve got the rent to pay? I’m thinking about selling my car because no one has paid me for months, but I’d still never sell those jewelry holder things on my website. Although they’ll probably be reduced soon, could be worth a punt, eh?

Read all about it here.

Other than it being a bad thing for publishers like me who sometimes sell direct to them, Borders in Team Valley were the first store to ever buy from Tonto and have supported the company and its authors ever since. There’s a lot of people set to lose jobs – so I really do hope that it survives. I’m sure we’ll find out by the end of the week. Fingers crossed.

That’s all for this week, folks. I’m away to Londonshire in the morning, back on Friday. I might even do some Tweets or something while I’m there. Look me up on the Twitter.

Another busy one at Chateau Tonto.

Last week I received a letter from John Blake, the publisher named as my hero in a recent Bookseller feature. It was great to receive the letter… thing was, as I saw the JB marked envelope, immediately I thought it was royalties from one of my books, Cage Fighter. When I opened it, I saw here was no cheque and was expecting it just to be a letter saying ‘you’re not getting paid this year, Wheaters’ so it really made my day. John said he was flattered by the mention and wished me well – I think he’ll be my hero for a long time to come. Wonder if he’s got any jobs going…

The Bookseller feature sparked a lot of interest and I’m now in touch with some more established writers and agents. It’s dead exciting, like. I spoke to an agent today and he’s already sent me a few proposals. I reckon we’ll be doing business in the future and the agency definitely is on my wavelength and is one that I’d like to be associated with.  It always restores my faith in humanity when someone normal phones up for a chat about the industry, rather than some nutbag with the wrong number.

I’m in the process of signing a couple of books that are out of this world; one of them is out of this world, hack-shually… it was just another one of my brilliant links.

 ’My Life on Mars with Beagle 2′ by Colin Pillinger is the newest signing due for take off in May 2010.  Colin is the best-known professor in the UK and is instantly recognisable as ‘that eccentric scientist bloke with the sideburns’. We officially signed the contracts today and I can’t wait to get started working with Colin. Just need to think of some more space puns to end this one. Ermm… I’ll be selling astronaughtographed copies of the book on the website. Hehehe. He’s mates with members of Blur and Damien Hirst and played on the Fat Les single as well.

Eeeeeh… Lundun!

On WednesdayI’m off to London for meetings about a few other books. Amongst my schedule is a dinner meeting with Zippy (Ronnie Le Drew, but it sounds better to say I’m meeting Zippy) – the legendary puppeteer who is currently working on his autobiography ‘Unzipped’ for publication in July 2010. I’ll also be over at the Off The Kerb office for a meeting about Simon Donald’s ‘Him Off The Viz’ autobiography, set for an October 2010 release. I hope the office is what I expect – crammed full of comedians all doing funny stuff and drinking coffee, trying new material out and pitching book ideas to me. I’m sure that’s exactly what it’ll be like.

Then there’s a meeting with Sharon Osbourne’s brother, a possible ebook deal, catch ups with my distributor, sales reps and a meeting with a rights agent. Hope there’s enough time to fit in tea and scones with the old bean, go on a red double-decker, eat jellied eels and have a right old rave up. And hope I see some famous people so I can name-drop a bit more on my next blog. I’ll be on the spotted page of Heat magazine one day, I tells ya!

Big thanks this week to Gary Dolman for his Tonto support and top undercover investigative skills – cheers!

It’s not just about what Tonto can do for you… it’s about what you can do for Tonto. Or something.

Is that Wheatman geezer after more favours? Nah, not really. Something I mentioned on Facebook recently and want to bring it up on here in case anyone is interested.

One of the newspapers up here, The Journal, runs a culture awards thing every year called The Journal Culture Awards. This year, they’re calling it The Journal Culture Awards 2009, and it seems that there may be the possibility of bagging something.

It’s always nice to get recognised for your work. Looking at the categories, there would be two that people may be interested in voting on: Writer of the Year and Best Event.

I think Sheila Quigley is worthy of an award for Writer of the Year for several reasons. I’m not sure I can vote being her publisher, but I will if eligible. Sheila’s the kind of writer we need. She has great ideas and enthusiasm for writing. This latest novel has been a testing time for her too; not just because she’s had to work with me, but because she went blind with cataracts during the writing of it. Her sight had been getting worse for a few years, she didn’t act upon it, and the inevitable happened. For anyone to go through this is terrible and for a writer it really is the end of the world. She battled through until she couldn’t see and had to have two operations. This was probably out of fear of knowing you need an operation and, if I know Sheila, probably part ‘I’ll be OK. It’ll sort itself out’ stubbornness.

Being a writer is all about surviving. Doing what’s best for yourself, being thick-skinned, looking to progress all the time. When I met up with Sheila, she’d indicated that, for reasons I won’t go into, there was a chance that she’d sign up with Tonto Books. This was a risk for her and a bit daunting for me. The risk was going from massive publisher to minuscule publisher with big ideas. She hadn’t had a book out in a while and she’d need to know she was making the right decision. Me? I like working with writers and getting the best out of them that I can. And I’m looking to take over the world one day, so I needed someone to help me on my way. My plan was that we’d learn a bit from each other during the process and I’m sure we have. I’m sure we’ll continue learning more too. But then there was the daunting task of stepping up a few gears to get Sheila to the level that a big publisher could always do with ease. It’s a daily struggle. We’ll get there. To me, this shows Sheila’s resilience and that she’s willing to take a calculated risk too. This shows more about her than just what you see on the page – which again backs up why I’d call her ‘writer of the year’. Like bands who haven’t released a CD for a bit, The Road to Hell is her comeback album. And significantly, she’s came back to a north east publisher. It’s not often you see a Mackem and a Geordie work together, you know. It’s like working for the UN this.

Before I start to sound even more like Eamonn Andrews, there’s the ‘Best Event’ category. Maybe if any readers of this blog attended the launch party for the book, you may think it is worthy of a mention. I’ve always tried to make Tonto launches a bit more interesting than cheese and wine in a boring old room and am quite proud that this event had projections onto the outside of the building, a splendidly-dressed interior, a brilliant band playing Sheila’s book titles as the set list… and another brilliantly-planned speech by me. I always rehearse them for weeks in advance, as you could tell.

A link to the voting form can be found on this page. If you were at the launch or if you are thinking about nominating Sheila, please feel free to add the Tonto contact details on the form. Contact details are on the website here.

Just posting this to make you aware of the awards as not all of Sheila’s readers are from the north east and not all will know of The Journal.  The deadline is 31 December 2009.

I’ve just seen the sun! Honest. Big round firey thing in the sky.

I’ve been catching up on eight months of paperwork this week and last, after the in tray collapsed from the strain. I really need a PA. I can’t make a joke about PAs in case I advertise the job next year and ‘dressing like a PA in a Benny Hill sketch’ is brought up in the interview. And that’s just the dress code for the blokes. Ack… I can’t say that either.

Anywho…

After mentioning doing some workshops last year, I’ve had a few comments on here and email. And not all of them said, ‘What do you know about how to get published, Wheatman?’ so I think it may be worth doing. As I said, something practical and useful is always a plus when you are sat in a workshop. I’ve been on plenty of writing workshops, business seminars, how to waste your time functions, etc myself and know what it’s like to be on an uncomfortable chair for a few hours wishing the person at the front would say something worthwhile and in a less patronising manner. Come to think of it, I’ve been on two-year courses like that.

A while back, me n Paul (ex-Tontoer) ran Creative Writing courses that lasted a week and we crammed as much as we possibly could into it. In my unbiased opinion, the course was brilliant. We covered all we could in the writing of novels and short stories, but that’s where the hurdle is. It’s impossible to cram it all into a week, but we couldn’t make it any longer. Many had been on writing courses in the past and hopefully found our approach a bit different and refreshing. A few other things I spotted - writers enjoy talking to other writers about writing… this is where you do all the comparing and learning from successes and failures, sharing ideas, getting practical advice from someone who has successfully pitched and had books published (me) and who publishes and knows how to spot good approaches, manuscripts and is honest about the business.

The ‘industry’ is made up of writing and publishing – the artistic and business sides. More than ever, writers need to be aware of the business of writing. It’s the stuff they don’t teach you on a MA or the stuff that’s probably in the ‘how to’ books we all collect and never get round to reading.

I’d look to cover writing on a Saturday and business on a Sunday.

Writing: Not cramming a two-year course into a day, but looking at the main reasons behind ‘the rejection letter’. Character, plot and dialogue are my three main grumpy old publisher gripes and a great area of discussion. From there, I’d look to bring in an author or two to talk about their experiences in writing and publishing. I’m sure that this would then cross over into day two…

Publishing: The business of writing, the stuff you need to know as a writer but every publisher will never tell you because it’s a secret. And you’re a writer – no one tells writers anything. Firstly, getting your approach right is the way to get your foot in the door. From there, you move past the rejection pile and into publication… and into unknown territory for many. You need to know about agents, contracts, sales, advances, royalties, promotion, interviews and practicing your autograph before you can retire to your private island.

I’d also be looking to keep costs down because I’ve spent way too much money on courses only to come away from them with a snazzy folder to rip the contents from and use for my own work and a nice branded pen to remind me of my day of torture.

I think today’s blog may be less controversial than yesterday. Thanks for all the emails and messages of support about the ’sales comapny’ – all very much appreciated. It looks like they are thinking about paying, so it’s almost resolved. They just need to hurry up before I assign a debt collector and contact the industry press about it … and the clock is ticking away.

Who can I slag off today, then?

The Waterstone’s Hub? Book buyers? Book sellers? Nah, I’m kidding. Honest. But – as a book buying punter, you may not be aware that Waterstone’s is experiencing problems in getting stock into their stores. It isn’t just Tonto books, it’s everyone and isn’t the fault of those who work in the stores. If you are Christmas shopping there or anywhere else and they haven’t got what you are looking for – give them a gentle nudge. I was ‘mystery shopping’ for a few Tonto titles yesterday and it is frustrating that books are being held up in transit, etc. It’s a long story. As the great Gary Barlow once said, just have a little patience. Or shout. That works too.

And just for the hell of it – here’s a challenge…

Get your mobile phone out and film this on the sly – doesn’t have to be you and the assistant in frame, just hearing it will be enough.

Call into any bookstore in the land and ask for: The Road To Hell by Sheila Quigley – ISBN: 9781907183034 – it was released on 5 November.

If they don’t have it – ask when they are getting it in.

When they tell you they don’t know. Ask if they can find out. This usually alerts a more senior member of staff.

If they can’t tell you, ask if they can order a copy. If they say they can’t, just tell them you’ll get it somewhere else. If they want to order, just say you’ll come back when they have stock, make your excuses and leave.

If they have it – great. Find out how many in stock.

Just an experiment. See if you can email the video to me. If it works – freebie Tonto stuff will be coming your way as a thank you present. Double points if you hit WHSmith. It’s amazing the excuses that come out. Yesterday I was told by one store they didn’t have it because the publisher hadn’t sent any stock. Then I revealed I was the publisher out on a mystery shopper spree and they discovered the real reason.

I’ve had loads of enquiries for advice recently. If I don’t reply, it’s not because I’m rude, just a bit busy with more pressing things at the moment. Same with submissions – not enough hours in the day to read, but will get round to it.

The advice people are after is mainly about how to get published, whether by me or by anyone else.  The submissions that I’ve had the chance to read recently all seem to fall down in the same places, give or take, and while I wouldn’t want to patronise the hell out of writers, I reckon there are a few tips to be taken in submitting work, etc, etc, and bring some published authors in to discuss their route and offer advice too. I might run a few workshops in the New Year along these lines. I know there’s not loads of people subscribe to my blog rantings, but if anyone is interested in these kind of events, drop me a line and I’ll see if there’s enough people to make it worth doing.

It isn’t always fun in the office. Sometimes I have to take a break from chair races with the cat to do some real work. For a long time now, I’ve had a right hassle with the ’sales’ company I took on earlier in the year, so that’s the thorn in my side at the moment (and becomes a shameless plug as the new title for Sheila’s next book).

I went to the London Book Fair specifically to sign up with a sales company who could also handle distribution. One company I met with really impressed me and I signed up with them after promises of what they would do and how they would do it. Knowing I was releasing three big titles this year, I needed all that side of the business in place well ahead of the releases.

With the network in place, I even took out a front and inside cover advert in the Bookseller Buyer’s Guide. These things are not cheap. Sheila Quigley was on the front cover, with her and Dirty Leeds and Slimmer Charlie on the inside, proudly announcing I had a sales company to handle all the logistics from now on. I was really chuffed. People phoned me to congratulate me on how good it all looked.

In July, I went on holiday to relax in the sun for a bit before the releases and chaos. While I was there, one of the big wholesalers phoned me to say ‘Looks like we’ll be back on consignment then, eh?’ Without knowing what she was on about, I was told that the sales company had went belly up. I phoned them from Cyprus asking to know what was going on. ‘We sent letters out’ was the reply – ‘Not to me, you didn’t’ was mine. I was assured that although the sales company had ‘ceased trading’ there would be a seamless crossover to freelance sales staff.

I still didn’t relax for the rest of my holiday. I had the laptop with me and tried getting online in a few bars that had wireless there… it didn’t work and, to be polite, I had a beer in each one.  It didn’t help much. I had to wait until I got home to see what was really going on.

So, cutting an ongoing saga short, the sales company were anything but. With days to go before my first release, I ended up phoning stores, head offices and sending out advance information sheets to limit the damage and loss of sales created by ‘the sales company’. I terminated the contract. I told them to pay what they owe and we’d be done, go our separate ways, yadda, yadda. I’d have to get another sales company in place, but could move on learning a lesson in publishing. Although they haven’t paid me a penny since signing the contract in June. They’ve been selling my books, paying their sales people their commission – but somehow forgot to pay the person who owns the books.

The emails have got to ’silly point’.

If anyone is considering setting up in publishing, or anything similar – BE CAREFUL. I thought I’d been careful. You have to trust the people you work with and on such a thing like this, it’s a difficult call. You could take forever trying to decide who to go with and who not to. There are sales and distribution companies who only take you on if you turn over more than a million quid a year … and I’m not quite there yet. In contracts like this, there is a clause saying that they are due X percentage for dues on books they sold prior to termination of contract. OK, if they did the work, then fair enough. I’ve been a freelancer all my life and as one you need to rely on people paying you. Same goes if you set up a publishing company – I’m also an honest businessman with a conscience (probably my downfall) and will always pay anyone fairly for the work they do for me.

I got this back from them last night: “I am sorry but I do not understand your logic here since you owe  [insert name of incompetent sales and distribution company here] more money than we owe you and I still have to pay the reps commission for the dues they subscribed.   What guarantee do I have that you will pay what is owed to us?   It seems to me that I have none whatsoever.”

This coming from a company who didn’t honour the contract, didn’t sell my books properly – eg, bookstores in Yorkshire didn’t know about Dirty Leeds days before release, until I sold it myself – and have never paid me anything since selling my books from June to September. You can imagine my response, I’m sure. The upshot is that they’ve owed me money for a while, and now are using it as a ransom. They don’t realise that there are honest people working in business. All they need to do to avoid further action is pay me what is owed and send me an invoice for the money I owe them. That’s how normal people work, or so I thought.

There isn’t a happy ending to this one yet. I did employ a new sales company who have been selling my books and have been helpful in offering advice, meeting up with me and phoning me – pretty much doing what they said they would. I’m with the same distributor that the incompetent company were using and they are in touch regularly and send weekly reports of sales. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Annoyingly, there are so many companies around like the unnamed one above. What does it mean for small publishers? Well, the basics are the knock-on-affect … if people don’t pay me, I can’t pay other people. That’s how cash flow problems start and that’s how people go out of business. It’s simple mathematics (I’m OK with simple maths). I’ve always said that the more you try to grow as a company, the more people become part of the ‘chain’ and the more people there are to mess it up for you. As we know, it isn’t just in publishing – this is happening all over the place. It’s sad that it has to happen and just adds to the stress of a one-man-band trying to make a living. Maybe I could have done more research, maybe I was naive. I certainly regret signing up with such a company because if I hadn’t started digging around before the books were out, there would have been no sales made and I’d be living on the streets. Seriously. That’s the result when you plough tens of thousands into printing books and no one sells them for you. And they came out with “What guarantee do I have that you will pay what is owed to us?” It certainly is infuriating.

After my final email to them last night, I said I wanted to know their intentions within 48 hours. I don’t mind going to court to get what is rightfully mine. In fact, I’d look forward to exposing them as much as I can whether it puts me further out of pocket or not. I’ll probably have to delete this post when that happens, but I’m sure it will be worked out eventually.

A positive note to end on … I’m hoping to announce a couple of exciting non-fiction titles for 2010 and 2011 very soon. And Even More Tonto Short Stories is still in pre-production stages. We’re looking to get it out in December, but because of printing schedules, it may not be possible. It should be listed on Amazon very soon for pre-ordering and we’ll keep you updated on progress.

Right, now I’m off for an office chair race…

How cold is it? Jeez.

It’s Friday, and if reading this, it means we all survived another week. Yesterday was the release day and launch of Sheila Quigley’s new novel – The Road To Hell, or TRTH, as I like to call it. The launch party was absolutely mental – hopefully everyone else  had a brilliant time too. I met loads of people, writers such as Matt Hilton, Ken McCoy and ‘new Tonto kids on the block’, Kelly Railton and Col Bury of soon-to-be Even More Tonto Short Stories fame, or EMTSS as I always call it. It’s great to have writers come along to a book launch – so thanks for everyone’s support. I’ll put the photos up on here when I can be bothered, but I’ll be ordering Chinese food and going to get loads of alcohol soon, so it won’t be tonight.

Sheila’s doing a signing at The Bookcase in Chester le Street tomorrow, 11am-12pm and then Waterstone’s in Sunderland from 2-3pm. Ish. If you can get along, drop by and say hello. But buy a book if you do.

I had a great profile in the Bookseller mag today too – it even gave my age away, so I can’t go around telling people I’m 24 anymore. Good week for the ego.

Signed copies of The Road to Hell by Sheila Quigley are available through the Tonto website NOW!

Just CLICK HERE and ‘add to cart’.

The book is being released and launched on Thursday 5 November and then Sheila will be off on signing sessions around the north east.

Another hectic week in Tontoland.

First up, if you are a publisher and looking for a sales company to represent you – DO NOT use VINE HOUSE DISTRIBUTION. Please.

Also – Charlie Walduck will be on Loose Women on Monday 26 October talking about his book, Slimmer Charlie.

And – I have 30 tickets to give away for Sheila Quigley’s launch for The Road To Hell on 5 November in Newcastle. Places are limited, so please only request if you can make it on the night! Kickoff is 7pm. Please email me to reserve a place.