MPS’ EXPENSES

If you are outraged at MPs claiming all kinds of ridiculous expenses and you a) Haven’t got a second home b) Haven’t got a swimming pool c) Haven’t got a moat around the second home you haven’t got d) Haven’t got a tennis court e) Don’t really want a load of manure piled up to your windows, then listen up.

Why not pop over to the new Tonto Books Shop and see if you can blag any books on your company expenses. Or if you are an MP, even better.

Par example:

Sin Cities; Adventures of a Sex Reporter by Ashley Hames: This would be an essential guide if you’ve just had cable or Sky TV installed on your expenses. Or if you are planning a debauched MP holiday to all the destinations of sin you can handle.

The Non-Beardy Beer Book: This is a no-brainer. You are an MP sat in your second home. The cleaner has left for the day, you can’t be bothered with a game of tennis and the court honks of manure anyway. This book will guide you through what the commoners guzzle while watching Jeremy Kyle before going to pick the kids up. It’s important research and you’d be well within your rights.

Everything You Ever Wanted by Rosalind Wyllie: Chick lit? How would you get away with this one? Easy. It’s for the missus. She loves this kind of tat. You just need to have a sly look at all the rude bits before you hand it over and there’s another £7.99 of Johnny Taxpayer’s money well spent.

There’s plenty more to get away with: Charlie Walduck - that bloke off ‘This Morning’ show. Common folk watch daytime telly, so it’s another one to pass the receipt over for. Tony Hart - you were doing some research on painting because you wanted to paint the house yourself this time to save on a decorating bill. Ker-chinggg! Sheila Quigley? She’s terribly northern – tell your accountant to say you wanted to know what life was like up north without actually having to travel there yourself. Not to save travelling expenses, just because it’s the north.

If you want to order any of the above or others. Just let me know at the checkout and I’ll destroy all evidence so you’ll not get collared.

Right, I’m off for a swim. Thanks for dropping by.