Coming from a moving image background, I always use film and TV as examples of storytelling simply because that’s how my head works. I see novels and stories playing out as I read them … and Shirley that’s the intention of the writer as well, whatever their name is. When I write, I like to cast my characters. As mentioned in my earlier rant, if your characters cannot deliver their lines properly or they turn round and tell you their character wouldn’t say that, it may be time to rethink those lines – give them better dialogue to play with, cos if your characters are revolting, then so is your novel (b-boom … ching!).

Like so many other actors, if yours ask what their motivation is for this scene, could it be that there’s nothing driving it and the narrative forward? If so – take a look at it. What’s the purpose of the scene and the dialogue within it? Who are the characters and what do they represent? Whack some metaphor and subtext in there and give it a kick in the pants. Is the entire scene believable? Does it move the story on? If it moves it on – that’s a take – head over to the next scene. Remember that you’re in control of it, you’re directing the piece and you call the shots.

Do you read your own words out? I remember a brill doco about Bruce Robinson and how he wrote ‘Withnail’ – all with loads of red wine and a good voice. He slurred his way through the script and, to me, it was more like method writing. He knew the dialogue worked because he was acting it as he went. Fair enough, he may not have remembered that much of it by the end of the day, but it worked for him. Find out what works for you and go with it. Of course you’ll feel a right dufus at first, but soon you’ll be sat there like Billy Shakespeare laughing at your own jokes and telling the cat how brilliant you are, slurring your way through three bottles of red and staggering around in your pyjamas half an hour before your other half gets in to look as though you did some housework before collapsing on the settee as Emmerdale starts. We’ve all been there.

I was talking to a writer recently and she said she writes everything without a plan … it all just comes out. ‘You don’t plan any of the plot or dialogue?’ I asked.

Shirley not, I thought. And she wasn’t even called Shirley either.

I’ve pondered this one so many times from different perspectives. As a writer I find it impossible to write anything without planning it first. Would I go on a journey without looking at a map first? Well I probably would, but I’d still set the SatNav before driving off. As a tutor, I always go into ways of writing – some people can write without a plan, others can’t. I always encourage having a plan. As a publisher I struggle to understand how anyone can write without a plan. All this can be explained by any writer if they tell you they know their characters, story, what each would say and it’s all stored in their head.

What do you have to refer to though? If your brain is anything like mine, it’ll be reworking the story all the time. Can you check through your memory and read through a previous version of a dialogue exchange you had in mind for your characters? Not that well – and definitely not if you’re me - but you can if it’s saved in a file on your computer. You are taking a bunch of people on a journey and you owe it to them to plan it so you all don’t get lost along the way. It’s a generalisation, I know. It’s always a case of finding a balance: if you can write like a maniac all day without a plan and it all works and you don’t get stuck … then great. If you plan it all and stick to it and it guides you along to the end … then also great. Writers who just spew it all out will argue that you cannot plan creativity, Mike Leigh gets funding for films without a script, one of my favourite actors couldn’t care less about his character backstory and is only interested in the words on the page. Whatever works.

I’m reading ‘Hollywood Animal’ by Joe Eszterhas at the moment. Joe is the genius writer of Basic Instinct and Showgirls, the most infamous screenwriter in Hollywood. His story is such a mad journey and, although he’s a bit of a maverick who enjoyed the seedier side of the industry (is there one? Please tell me there’s one), his life story is very h-interesting, indeed:

Evans, the producer of Sliver, liked my Sliver script so much that he sent a voluptuous redhead wearing only a mink coat over to my hotel. She pulled a note out of a certain intimate body part.

“Best first draft I’ve ever read,” the note said. “Love, Evans.”

I might turn up on Mr Endeacott’s doorstep one day wearing only my parka and Clarks Originals just to scare him into meeting his next deadline on time.

 At chateau Tonto this week we’re putting the finishing touches to Rob Endeacott’s next best-seller and ‘The Road To Hell’ paperback is in print with a snazzy new cover. We’ve also got a final design for ‘We Are Not Manslaughterers’ by Martin Knight and roughs for ‘The Fifth Pillar’ and ‘The Change Agent’. I’ve added them to this post, but it seems to have squared them off to look like album covers. They’ll be up on the website soon.

Should we make it that far, then Disrepute: Revie’s England will be out on 12 June and The Road To Hell will be out on 17 June. As usual, if Amazon has any other dates up, they are incorrect.

Anyone in the Liverpool area make sure to turn up to Tonto mate Caroline Smailes’ launch gig at Waterstone’s L1 tomorrow night. She’s got some book out about bees or something, but there’ll be free drink to make it worthwhile and probably cake.

Laters!